The Weekly Alchemy Update
We’ll start with the well-known news that this week is International Chemistry Week. So let’s celebrate.
But what is chemistry? We could start with the Nobel-worthy work of that famous British alchemist Mr. Bean. His rigorous approach to science is truly inspiring:
We’re more interested in how chemistry can revolutionize a workplace. When talented individuals are bonded by that special something there is better cooperation, higher productivity, better attendance, greater loyalty and more success. We can do a little better than Mr. Bean – hopefully without mixing together ingredients indiscriminately and then leaving a coworker to deal with the mess.
Management expert Ken Blanchard suggests that teams fail roughly 60 percent of the time. While the reasons for team failure vary — such as lack of planning, focus, or resources — it’s rarely due to lack of talent. However, an effective team needs more than just a group of talented people. True team effectiveness requires team members to work well together regardless of their abilities. In other words, chemistry.
How do you build team chemistry? There is a lot to learn from the sports world.
Assign the right captain. Not another “head coach” but the team peer who is the glue to bring the team together and acts almost as an assistant coach.
Do things as a team outside work.
Emphasize team goals over individual or project goals.
Recruit the right players. Don’t bring in new talent, no matter how good, if they will disrupt the chemistry of your team.
Case in point, in the soul-crushing crucible of futile dreams, desperation and disappointment that is hockey in Toronto, a chronic lack of chemistry may be one of the reasons the Maple Leafs are perpetual underperformers. And with one of the lowest payrolls in the league, the Leafs need all the chemistry they can get
The other kind of office chemistry is alive and well. Forbes reported on a very salacious survey produced by job site Vault.com:
58% of employees have engaged in a romantic relationship with a colleague.
19% of employees admitted to stepping out on their partner with a colleague at work.
18% of employees reported that they had a random hookup with a co-worker. Consent is the obvious issue with random hookups. If one party feels coerced, then it’s no longer a consensual hookup, it’s sexual assault.
Most of those employees (64%) who had participated in an office romance kept it secret.
72% would participate in an office romance again if given the chance
Some speculated that the #MeToo movement would discourage employees from dating coworkers, but these statistics suggests that the workplace is still a fertile place for chemistry.
The best part of these statistics is that, if you are working at home, you have reliable data to support getting more frisky with your partner during the workday. Or to give your cat more love.
Fun fact: Cats purr at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine (26 purrs per second). And a lot of Alberta boys love their diesel trucks as much as their cats.
But with the house-bound workforce, how do you do the flirty, flirty thing over Zoom? You need to pay attention to the subtle body language. The oracle of innuendo, Cosmopolitan, identified five signs you should watch for:
They’re blinking very fast
They’re blushing
They’re smiling consistently
Their eyebrows are slightly raised
Their pupils are dilated
We recommend creating a check list to keep by your computer for your next Zoom call. A good way to identify a far more rewarding follow-up meeting.
Baking is chemistry too. Try this at work:
3 Tbs flour
2 Tbs brown sugar
2 tsp cocoa powder
¼ tsp baking powder
3 Tbs milk
1 Tbs canola oil
A splash of vanilla
Combine in a clean coffee mug (sometimes hard to find) and stir gently until the batter no longer has lumps. Cook in microwave for 45 seconds and then let sit for five minutes to finish cooking.
Deliver furtively to your secret someone, but be careful, we’ll be watching closely to see who it is.
And for my partner who may be reading this weekly update, I’m in the 42%, not the 58%.
Be well.